A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, Roger. I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look awful!"

The pirate was sporting a new wooden leg, a shiny new hook where his hand once was, and a black eye patch.

The pirate took a seat and said, "Yeah, it ain't been a kind year on my body, that's for sure."

The bartender poured him a rum.

"Me leg I lost when a cannonball shot straight through the deck. Me right hand I lost in a sword fight..."

He took a stiff drink.

"And the eye?" the bartender asked.

"A seagull pooped right on my face," the pirate said, shaking his head.

"Wow," the bartender said, "but how did that cost you an eye?"

"Ah, well," the pirate said, "That's kind of on me. It was the day after I got me hook."